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The Wrinkles In My Heart Scream Poem

The wrinkles in my heart scream

I walked alone in the park at night

My brother by my side

Searching for a high I might regret

Five years ago you wouldn’t want to meet me

My face yelled red.

I could of told you anything and you’d believe what I said.

Or would you of known I was high?

Those lines never got me anywhere but down

Those lines never got me anywhere but up

Up as in high, down as in life.

Because down I would go once again

Now I look old and warn

Torn from a childhood

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I feel like a Sad Clown

Sad Clown

Your makeup smears

As your traits appear

Your ptsd stays near

I’m my own personal threat

I forget things

Can’t remember me in a mirror

I remember snippets of myself

Locked in a room

In the dark

Stuck in a room

Goto sleep now

The dogs will get you

Don’t forget to pray!

If only you knew

Sit at this table, don’t look silly you!

I withdrew from it all

If only you FUCKING knew

Figure IT OUT

I remember a lot of things

And they hurt so bad

If only I could kill the killer

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Anarchy In The Heart/A Poem About Ex’s

I seem to be too nice

Sometimes I let people use me

I’m learning to catch it before it happens

I don’t get it though

It’s not fair to you.

The lying that you’d pursue

You find these humans with emotions to devour

As you climb the tower of your shadows

I’ve met multiple people like you

Running from the past but breaking the present

Anarchy in the heart

These people are breaking fucking hearts

Around these parts

It’s not considered love

It’s considered an art

Smashing the windows of the love they once shared

Manipulating the man

I’ve been used more than I can count

I preach anarchy more than I speak

Yet this just hurts me

down to the bone

Now as I roam the world with pain on my back

And fear in my eyes

I’ll keep dragging on

Because I got anarchy in my heart

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Excuse me, I’m a paranoid freak poem

Check my pockets when someone’s behind me

Paranoid mind got me questioning you now.

People assume i’m pretentious

Can’t agree with that I’m jus counterfeit

People don’t know me

When you’re behind me I have to move

If you’re behind me radars blare through the room

A overall sense of doom

There’s someone out to get me, it’s so inhumane

The way it lays it’s eyes on me is always the same.

Wide open and manic, question your family.

The panic begins to set in

Question your friends

This may be the end

What did you say again? You hate me?

You lost something, check your pockets

Where are we going?

Scared to go to a party

I hardly know anyone

Who’s to say because i’m hearty

And laugh

That i’m not watching every move in this room.

People assume i’m paranoid.

They aren’t wrong.

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A Elegy to my past and the death that surrounds it

I cried for the first time about death today

I’ve experienced it more than I want

It runs deep, screaming in my front yard.

I’ve got a scar, and I realized it’s there

Not gone

I’ve been suppressing my emotions for so long

I feel utterly withdrawn

As I make my way back to reality

I’ve been confronted with the pain I’ve held back.

Death surrounds me

Death has grown up with me

Death will continue to crawl in my closet

watching, it’s checking its pockets

Looking for the people he dropped

Grabbing those who I care about a lot

Childhood trauma

I hear it a lot

So as I puff this marijuana

And try to find the nirvana I had as a kid

Shit, I wish it was as easy.

Was I even as happy as I believe?

Wish me luck, cause I’m going in.  

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Don’t Jump Off Poem

Drag my body

and drain my blood

Because tonight I’m changing the world with love

call it quits, or call me nuts

But I’ll create till the sun comes up

I’ve been having chills

Every shiver kills

I’ve been so cold

Sensations return

Good things become reborn

I turned 21

and didn’t die

And if you asked me the same before 18

I’d say “Hell, I ain’t gon’ lie! I ain’t got time!”

I turned 21

when I thought at 18 I’d be gone.

Come on, ain’t nothing to dwell on.

Drag on, hold on, lead on, live on.

But don’t jump off.

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Rainstorm Or Snowstorm Poem

My mind is confused

Grown up to believe

But now I can see

That maybe it wasn’t truly me

I’m 21 now

& things are changing

I’m changing

Life is moving slowly

Two days feel like a week

Try not to think too much about me

I’m more comfortable in my own bed

Maybe I should learn more about what I say

I can’t get out of my own head

Thunderstorms or Snowstorms?

Which one will transform to it’s true form?

Want to be reformed

Psychedelics

Hectic reality

I feel angelic

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A Poem About Love

You say the word, I hear something else

I love you

Is something you can’t say

I’ve heard it too many different ways.

Overplayed these days,

Useless.

Am I cynical?

Why am I so difficult.

I’ll be stuck in my ways

Forever miserable

You should change your thoughts

Stop being so critical

Prediciable

You won’t listen to these words

You need to be hurt over and over

and over

to get it.

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A Poem About My Memory

I speak fast because I’ll forget what I say

My memory is bad

I speak fast because I’ll forget what I say

Sometimes I forget what I say.

I forgot what I ate yesterday

I write these poems to portray what I say

Because my words are mixed up,

messed up

fucked up

the blender stirring

walk away as it runs

give me a reason to remember the day

because otherwise

It will all go away

I sometimes dream of leaving the state

Imagine resetting the life you play

Call it quits, give yourself a new name

that’s be the dream….

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My Art Poem

I create art that relates to me

I’ve learned to not let what others think

Portray my ways

I have a constant feeling of needing to create

I have a constant feeling of not being enough

Because I missed so much growing up

My grandma was an art teacher

She taught me a lot

I wish I listened on the spot

My confidence got in the way,

My childhood stirred the pot

Depression likes to creep up on me.

My confidence stinks. It likes to spit on me

Call me names

My mood switches fast, like when curvy roads in Italy

I wish I could paint Italy

I wish I could paint a smile.

I create art that makes me happy

I release my feelings when feeling unhappy.

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Sometimes It Feels As If

Sometimes I feel as if I should push everyone away.

It feels as if everyone would prefer it that way.

Sometimes it feels like everyone hates me.

It feels as if someone dated me they’d hate me.

And they do, even if they don’t admit it.

Sometimes I think I overthink too much

It feels as if I should grab a drink sometimes.

Sometimes I can’t breathe from being so worried about what I did.

It feels as if everything that leaves my mouth is hurried and broken.

Please don’t mistake my words for dumb

I wish I could portray myself more but sadly i’m numb.

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Monotone Emotions

I’ve been told I don’t portray enough emotions.

I wish I knew how to share more.

I’ve been told I act like I don’t care.

That’s fair.. I don’t blame them. 

It’s not true though.

I care more everyday

I love more everyday

Feel like a fantasy

Confusion combined with anxiety.

What does that mean?

Did I do something stupid?

Why am I so worried about my image.

I mean no damage.

I wish I could share how I feel.

I can understand how others feel.

Why can’t I understand situations when it comes to me.

Surrounded by screens, loud music.

Did I take the situation wrong?

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Drugs Are Not Your Friends Poem

I used to use at fifteen.

I’m no longer fifteen.

My brains weakened and my hearts on its last straw.

I feel a sense of wanting to be evil

Sometimes,

I get memories of when of psychosis.

I told myself life is amazing.

Euphoria

I told myself I could be amazing.

Euphoria

I was on my way home to do more drugs when I felt as if things were working.

Euphoria

I told myself everything will work.

Euphoria

I told myself I’ll get off the drugs.

Euphoria

Maybe if we check the carpet,

One

Last

Time

Anger, Annoyed…

I told myself I’ll get off it.

Sleep Deprivation.

Euphoria?

BEGGING FOR DEATH

I told myself I hate myself.

WANTING ONE HIT.

I told myself I can’t stop.

STEALING FROM FAMILY AND FRIENDS.

I told myself I’m addicted.

ONE

LAST

TIME
CRASH
CRASH
CRASH

01010 ERROR

REBOOT ON SAFEMODE

ATTEMPTING TO REPAIR HARDRIVE

CORRUPTION

CORRUPTION

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I’m A Mouse Poem

Burning my brain,

Smoking my shame

One time the front of my house burnt down,

It scared me to the bone

I wish I could call some place my home.

I labeled these places as houses

I feel like I’m running with mouses

Following the rules of humans.

Forcing us into tiny corners.

Or is it me that forces myself?

Do I cause this isolation?

Do I want this isolation or does depression want me?
Depicting pain through my own art

I wish I could just fall apart.

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A Small Update

If anyone can tell I haven’t been posting here that often at all. I’ve been quiet busy with other projects I’m working on. This was my goal for this website anyways was to set up a easy shop and page to find my art/music. Now it’s time to focus on my other projects.

I’ve recently gotten ads on both websites I run, aka this one, and Fangz. It’s going really well so far, I’ve met people, I’ve been practicing my writing since I write so much now. I’ve been writing so much and drafting and publishing stuff that I’m going over my own post now, It’s like second nature.

I need to write a new Runescape update, I’ve done a lot since the last one, ya boy has put a lot of time into it. However, to be honest, I kind of haven’t been playing Runescape as much though. Actually not much at all, I realized it was taking a little too much of my time. I’ve also been playing this game called Torn. It’s a text based multiplayer game. It’s like a real life RPG, you can be a good guy or a criminal, so far i’m a criminal/trader. Meaning I buy low and sell high when it comes to items. My whole life is based off timers now so I don’t die. I’m learning time management on a video game boys and girls. It’s actually a really old game. I’ve gotten a few friends to check it out and play but nobody stuck to it like me.

I recorded my first song in awhile, actually I have an album in the works at the moment. It’s not a big one and it’s pretty experimental but I’m very excited for it. I haven’t made a title for it but I have a very clear story line for it. I’m basically done trying to follow what people say about music and just do me.  We’ll see how it goes to be honest.

I’ve been pretty stacked with commissions as of recently, I have about five I need to work on, I have about four sketched out. I’m excited to finish them as they look really good to me. I’ll be sure to post them here when they are ready.

I also have taken over DatPizz, I currently co-run it with 5k at the moment. Things have been going really well. I’ve been selling a decent amount of art as well, a little backed up on commissions but they are looking amazing. I’m excited to see where Fangz takes me in a couple months. It’s been blowing up decently recently. The team of writers and I have been going hard in the paint.  Big thanks to them.

Well thanks for reading, much love. Be back soon. Also click my ads please I need to feed my family holy shit.