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I feel like a Sad Clown

Sad Clown

Your makeup smears

As your traits appear

Your ptsd stays near

I’m my own personal threat

I forget things

Can’t remember me in a mirror

I remember snippets of myself

Locked in a room

In the dark

Stuck in a room

Goto sleep now

The dogs will get you

Don’t forget to pray!

If only you knew

Sit at this table, don’t look silly you!

I withdrew from it all

If only you FUCKING knew

Figure IT OUT

I remember a lot of things

And they hurt so bad

If only I could kill the killer

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Anarchy In The Heart/A Poem About Ex’s

I seem to be too nice

Sometimes I let people use me

I’m learning to catch it before it happens

I don’t get it though

It’s not fair to you.

The lying that you’d pursue

You find these humans with emotions to devour

As you climb the tower of your shadows

I’ve met multiple people like you

Running from the past but breaking the present

Anarchy in the heart

These people are breaking fucking hearts

Around these parts

It’s not considered love

It’s considered an art

Smashing the windows of the love they once shared

Manipulating the man

I’ve been used more than I can count

I preach anarchy more than I speak

Yet this just hurts me

down to the bone

Now as I roam the world with pain on my back

And fear in my eyes

I’ll keep dragging on

Because I got anarchy in my heart

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A Elegy to my past and the death that surrounds it

I cried for the first time about death today

I’ve experienced it more than I want

It runs deep, screaming in my front yard.

I’ve got a scar, and I realized it’s there

Not gone

I’ve been suppressing my emotions for so long

I feel utterly withdrawn

As I make my way back to reality

I’ve been confronted with the pain I’ve held back.

Death surrounds me

Death has grown up with me

Death will continue to crawl in my closet

watching, it’s checking its pockets

Looking for the people he dropped

Grabbing those who I care about a lot

Childhood trauma

I hear it a lot

So as I puff this marijuana

And try to find the nirvana I had as a kid

Shit, I wish it was as easy.

Was I even as happy as I believe?

Wish me luck, cause I’m going in.  

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A Poem About Love

You say the word, I hear something else

I love you

Is something you can’t say

I’ve heard it too many different ways.

Overplayed these days,

Useless.

Am I cynical?

Why am I so difficult.

I’ll be stuck in my ways

Forever miserable

You should change your thoughts

Stop being so critical

Prediciable

You won’t listen to these words

You need to be hurt over and over

and over

to get it.

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I’m A Mouse Poem

Burning my brain,

Smoking my shame

One time the front of my house burnt down,

It scared me to the bone

I wish I could call some place my home.

I labeled these places as houses

I feel like I’m running with mouses

Following the rules of humans.

Forcing us into tiny corners.

Or is it me that forces myself?

Do I cause this isolation?

Do I want this isolation or does depression want me?
Depicting pain through my own art

I wish I could just fall apart.