Your makeup smears
As your traits appear
Your ptsd stays near
I’m my own personal threat
I forget things
Can’t remember me in a mirror
I remember snippets of myself
Locked in a room
In the dark
Stuck in a room
Goto sleep now
The dogs will get you
Don’t forget to pray!
If only you knew
Sit at this table, don’t look silly you!
I withdrew from it all
If only you FUCKING knew
Figure IT OUT
I remember a lot of things
And they hurt so bad
If only I could kill the killer
I seem to be too nice
Sometimes I let people use me
I’m learning to catch it before it happens
I don’t get it though
It’s not fair to you.
The lying that you’d pursue
You find these humans with emotions to devour
As you climb the tower of your shadows
I’ve met multiple people like you
Running from the past but breaking the present
Anarchy in the heart
These people are breaking fucking hearts
Around these parts
It’s not considered love
It’s considered an art
Smashing the windows of the love they once shared
Manipulating the man
I’ve been used more than I can count
I preach anarchy more than I speak
Yet this just hurts me
down to the bone
Now as I roam the world with pain on my back
And fear in my eyes
I’ll keep dragging on
Because I got anarchy in my heart
I cried for the first time about death today
I’ve experienced it more than I want
It runs deep, screaming in my front yard.
I’ve got a scar, and I realized it’s there
I’ve been suppressing my emotions for so long
I feel utterly withdrawn
As I make my way back to reality
I’ve been confronted with the pain I’ve held back.
Death surrounds me
Death has grown up with me
Death will continue to crawl in my closet
watching, it’s checking its pockets
Looking for the people he dropped
Grabbing those who I care about a lot
I hear it a lot
So as I puff this marijuana
And try to find the nirvana I had as a kid
Shit, I wish it was as easy.
Was I even as happy as I believe?
Wish me luck, cause I’m going in.
You say the word, I hear something else
I love you
Is something you can’t say
I’ve heard it too many different ways.
Overplayed these days,
Am I cynical?
Why am I so difficult.
I’ll be stuck in my ways
You should change your thoughts
Stop being so critical
You won’t listen to these words
You need to be hurt over and over
to get it.
Burning my brain,
Smoking my shame
One time the front of my house burnt down,
It scared me to the bone
I wish I could call some place my home.
I labeled these places as houses
I feel like I’m running with mouses
Following the rules of humans.
Forcing us into tiny corners.
Or is it me that forces myself?
Do I cause this isolation?
Do I want this isolation or does depression want me?
Depicting pain through my own art
I wish I could just fall apart.